Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
