I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
