Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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