we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
