Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
