At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
