I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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