he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
