she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
