I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
