if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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