Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
