He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
