Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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