GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
