Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
