fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
