Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
