Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
