I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
