New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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