My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
