Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
