I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
