Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
