Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
