im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
