It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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