Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
