He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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