Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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