i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
