OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
