Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
