he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
