One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
