My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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