You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
