I heard we made out
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
