can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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