yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
