But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
