Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
