it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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