I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
