I'm going to jail i love you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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