Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
