don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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