I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
