end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
