he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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