Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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