He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
