Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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