i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
